Transitions

In September 1983 my oldest son started kindergarten.  This year my youngest son started his senior year in high school.  In between were two more boys and one girl. Life was filled with firsts and lasts, pictures, memories, and chaos.

After spending my entire adult life (since the age of 19) being responsible for the guidance and nurturing of another person, come September of next year, I'll be sending my last child off to college and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Friends are posting pictures of their son or daughter's first day of senior year along with their first day of kindergarten.  Is it bad that I maybe didn't take a picture of Nikolai's first day of kindergarten?  Is it bad that I can remember the outfit my only daughter wore to kindergarten her first day, but can't find the picture?

What are pictures, but snapshots of a moment.  My mind is full of snapshots, a 35 year reel of movie frames that make me laugh, cry, swell with pride, and panic.  I must shift the focus of my life and I'm not sure how.  Oh, sure. I know it will happen whether or not I can figure out how at this moment.  I guess, for now, I'm just along for the ride!

Mind Your Manners!

While listening to a group of 30-something professionals bemoan the lack of courtesy in "kids these days", it occurred to me that manners have been missing from American culture for a long time. We all talk about and become irate about it, but that's as far as most of us go.

It's tempting to be sanctimoniously annoyed when that driver in the other lane speeds up to prevent your merge, or to fume when the person entering the swinging door head of you lets it hit you as you reach it. It's discouraging when you look around at the grocery store, on the sidewalk or even in the courthouse and you see people wearing pajamas with slippers or sloppy clothing walking along obliviously texting or talking on their cell phones with no regard to others.

Nobody listens to the advice of others, so my occasional comments such as "Thanks for holding the door" fall on deaf ears and really serve to get me more riled up. I'm embarrassed to admit that I've even scolded rude or flippant customer service people. Bottom line: they don't care.

I do care. What to do? Perhaps manners start with me. Let's say I relax (those who know me are aware this is not easy for me) and start practicing the courtesies I expect from others. Let in that jerk speeding by me on the freeway in the left lane that's ending in a few feet, maybe without thinking of them as a jerk. Hold a door for someone while not expecting it in return. Change out of my sweats before heading out to the store. Stay off my cell phone while walking or shopping. Maybe my conscious efforts will help.

If nothing else, being mindful of where I am and who is around me will help achieve one of my goals: to be in the here and now without working on the next step simultaneously. Live in the moment, and be respectful. How hard can it be?

I'll let you know.

Sunrise Sunset

Standing before the parents and families assembled for my high school graduation, I sang with my choir the wistfully nostalgic song Sunrise Sunset. Tears escaped from my 16 year old eyes as I imagined how my parents felt, and how I would someday feel with my children on the cusp of adulthood many years later.

I've been lucky. My four adult offspring have given me quite a few years of denial about their growing up. Four high school and college graduations have come and gone, yet none of them have yet married. I easily feel as though I'm still in my 30's, and with no sons or daughters-in-law and no grandchildren, it's easy to do despite the fact both of my parents are now gone. This is about to change.

On January 21st, I will become a mother-in-law. Looking through old family photos and baby pictures of my soon-to-be-married middle child Patrick, the lyrics to Sunrise Sunset come blaring into my head. Like Golde in Fiddler on the Roof, I don't remember growing older. But Patrick, not even my oldest child, is gently nudging me into the "next generation".

I've adjusted to having my kids grow up and move far away to follow their dreams. Casey's in Albuquerque, New Mexico, Evan's in India, Patrick's in China, and Caitlin's in NYC. We will all be together for the first time in four years when we gather to celebrate the union of Patrick and Krista.

Indeed the years fly swiftly. My tears are of love, pride, acceptance, and bewilderment that I knew at 16 how I would feel today.